Title: Transporter Malfunction

Author: Jedi Buttercup

Disclaimer: The words are mine; the worlds are not. I claim nothing but the plot.

Rating: PG-13.

Summary: B:tVS, Star Trek. There were some things about this future that Buffy was just never going to get used to. 400 words.

Spoilers: General B:tVS and Star Trek: TOS

Notes: Back in April 2006, I put a drabble prompt meme up; Booster asked me for "ST:TOS crossover, Buffy/Kirk, transporter malfunction".

She'd been in this future-- not her future, she'd long since figured out, but one pretty close to it-- for six years now, thanks to an accident involving her sister and a mid-apocalyptic burst of rogue magic, but there were some things that Buffy was just never going to get used to.

Replicators, for one thing. They took all the fun out of shopping! And aliens! You'd think they wouldn't bother her after all the demons she'd encountered, but the fact that non-humans were all equal to Earthlings here kept catching her off guard.

And then there was this whole transporting thing-a-ma-jig. She'd been teleported by Willow before, so the whole disappearing and reappearing thing wasn't that big of a surprise, but the gizmo did something in the process that set off all her Slayer instincts every time. She'd have written it off as a side effect of the sudden relocation to non-Earth-standard gravity and atmosphere-- because boy howdy, had her first step on an alien world freaked the Slayer in her big-time-- except for one thing: it happened on every return trip, too.

Like now, for example. Buffy frowned as a worse-than-usual wave of disorientation swept over her. She shifted her feet on the transporter pad, then nearly tripped as oddly long, unfamiliarly muscled legs responded.

That was when she noticed that no-one stood between her and the technician behind the transporter's console. Since she'd started out the trip standing behind the Captain with the other two Security ensigns who'd accompanied the away team, that was very much of the bad.

With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Buffy glanced downward, taking in the distinctly flat expanse of gold tunic under her chin and the corresponding not-flatness at the front of the black trousers beneath it.

"Oh crap," she muttered in the Captain's voice. She'd dealt with a large variety of bizarre experiences in her life-- complete amnesia, being raised from the dead, having a magical sister thrust upon her, and dating vampires, just to name a few-- but being accidentally transgendered via transfer into someone else's body wasn't one of them.

"Pardon?" said Commander Spock at her side. "Captain, are you all right?"

Behind her, her own voice spoke up, in firm, though halfway panicky tones: "I'm not Janice Lester!"

Buffy groaned and covered her eyes with weirdly large palms. "It must be a Tuesday."

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