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Posted June 7, 2012
Fan Fiction: Neuralysis for Naturals
Title: Neuralysis for Naturals
Author: Jedi Buttercup
Disclaimer: The words are mine; the worlds are not.
Summary: His entire image is crafted on leaving no lasting memory with anyone he 'encounters'. 200 words.
Notes: Minor spoilers for Men in Black III, and for "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets". Unrepentant whimsy.
Funny thing, time. It doesn't always behave as one might expect.
In one strand, Gilderoy Lockhart answers Dumbledore's invitation to teach at Hogwarts with a smile, and immediately stocks up on peacock feather quills.
Pause. Rewind. Watch a butterfly named Jay flap his wings.
Not literal wings, of course. Jay ain't actually a butterfly, a fairy, or anything else Kay might mutter under his breath when Jay relays the differences he notices in their agent roster to Oh.
In this strand, Dumbledore's owl misses Gilderoy Lockhart by a few hours. His potential professor has caught a long-distance portkey to New York, following a promising lead on another novel's worth of fascinating memories. Gilderoy doesn't anticipate any trouble acquiring them; he's been informed the current owners are Muggles. He heads for a building marked Triborough Bridge and Tunnel Authority, daydreaming about the notoriety he'll receive for 'Tea-Time with Talaxians'.
Dumbledore frowns when the owl returns empty-clawed, and reluctantly crosses Gilderoy Lockhart off his list.
The Americans, as is their wont, behave in a rather more contrary fashion. Two days later, Agent Gee walks back out of the ventilation building, wearing black dress robes, a strange new silvery wand, and a smile.
© 2012 Jedi Buttercup.